~*Smashley*~ (causticquality) wrote,

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the gun is to your head and mtv will pull the trigger, look at your surrondings......

Well i spent a huge part of the day sleeping. After i left cori's i came home and took a nap with my mom. I'm such a little kid. She woke me up around 5 to go out to eat at Ryans. It was okay, but i feel like shit now. Oh well. I came home and watched some dumb shit on tv. I called howard and talked to him for about an hour and a half. And now i'm sittin on my fat white ass talking to Cori. YAY!!! I don't have jack shit to talk about. Oh well. I guess i'll add some new poetry bullshit cause i'm super cool like that.

a child's carol
pieces of you remain scattered in my memoires
i can't escape the fact that you've molded me
even though i don't know you, i know you're out there
but for years I've lived without you
and you don't seem to care
no telephone calls, unexpected visits
just a jar full of quarters and empty promises
you're gone, and i don't really mind
i just wonder how much i am like you sometimes
the wrinkles in my forehead and my eyes when i cry
so much like you, but I'm different inside
I'd never turn my back
on an unborn child
or make promises and run away
you've hurt me more than I'd ever say
i put on a smile and push you away
i don't need you in my life, but i still wonder
what it would be like to see you face to face
I'd still look down upon you for running away

your eyes speak to me
their word's a bit shaky
your hands lay before me- unclean
I'd wash away the filth if i could
but the stains are so obvious
you've worked your self to the bone
and your heart is so cold
i think i could destroy every memory for you
rid you of your misery
but would you let me save you if i could
Am I just as useless as the rest?
the unloving woman seen by the world
is not as heartless as she seems
I'd mend your heart for nothing
just to see you satisfied again
my mind is full of ideas
but i speak nothing to you
i know within a second
this all could come unglued
it breaks my heart to see the life
dying in your eyes
the vibrant light fades with time
I'd try to rid the dimness if i could
i watch it as it burns to nothing
i know once its gone, it dies
but I've tried to resuscitate it too many times
it'd be better to let this all fade away
it burns it dies
it burns it dies
and i watch it as it is forgotten
but i still feel the scars
if they where on the outside
I'd pick them apart
and never let them heal
then i could feel
a little piece of you
but instead I'm left with the ashes
because once its gone, its dead
once it burns to nothing, it dies
tear stained cheeks
left in the freezing rain
the day i watched
your heart break
i stood there and did nothing
because the fault is my own
i lost a friend
there in the storm
the screaming and yelling did nothing
and i refuse to go back
you've become the enemy
and i don't think i can face it all again
i never used you
i never wanted more than a friend
and you've let me down so many times
you've never faced life on your own
your voice on the telephone
such a distant memory
they day our love died
a piece of me died too
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