~*Smashley*~ (causticquality) wrote,
~*Smashley*~
causticquality

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We all know, and we can't ask why, you've turned into such an ugly butterfly.............

I just don't know what's wrong with me. I've been in such a hyper/anxious mood for the last couple days, and then last night i broke down and cried for no reason. I dunno if it's the idea of being let down so many times, or just the fact that i watched all the video's of me and mongo at Cori's house, Severedsoul shows from tek world, One With Misery, Caustic. It's depressing just thinking about how much things change. I had so much to live for and be happy about last summer, and slowly but surely, they are all disappearing. Mongo is an asshole, Kyle and i broke up (as well as severedsoul), Anthony and i broke up (as well as One With Misery), Caustic never plays anymore and i just feel like there's really nothing left to make me happy. I have from within to listen to, but sometimes i just feel like i'm too "All about" them, and that i seem fake. Maybe i just worry too much? I don't think this shit is helping much. I'm tired of spending my days at home with this fucking computer and a cell phone. That's not real communication. It's worthless. I'm not assosicating with people face to face. I miss that. i Really do. I'm just rambling on. The most fun i get is going to from within shows at pappy's. I'm fucking 17 years old, 3 months away from being 18 and i spend summer on a fucking computer. I need to get out more, but i fear people too much to trust them enough to let them pick me up and have us go hang out somewhere. What's wrong with me? I need a life.....
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