~*Smashley*~ (causticquality) wrote,

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watching the weather change, but outside my window it stays the same. I'm here again without you....

last night we went to poa's practice and it was amazing. They sound so great. I really wasn't into their demo, but now that i've heard more than just "Abandomed" and their other songs with out lyrics, i really think i am going to fall in love with their music. Mike wants to see me rub jello on myself. (Inside joke)

I'm kinda depressed for various reasons, and i want to talk about them, but somehow i know that if i do it will only make things worse. I just feel like this is never going to end. I'm contastantly at battle with myself over stupid reasons. I'm trying to better myself though, and that's what really matters. The next time thoughts like these cross my mind, i know i can deal with it alot better. I'm trying to better myself. I just feel like crying right now though, for no apparent reason. I'm doing things i shouldn't do too. Don't worry though, it's not serious. I just know that the rusults won't be too pretty if i stay the same. I'm trying to find out what i want in life, and maybe one day i'll be 100% sure in my choices and dissions. I guess we'll just have to see.

Cori went home today, and i miss her. I'll probably go over there tomorrow, i dunno for sure though. I've been with her for almost 2 weeks now. haha. I'm suprized she's not sick of me. I love her to death.

I found out Tina's mom has a hole in her heart, I'm not alone!!! I've had one, but i don't get checked out and shit like  i should, but whatever. It hasn't been bothering me, so there's nothing to worry about right now. I know my kidney stones are comming back, and i haven't been taking my meds like i should. Oh well, it's my own fault if it starts hurting like it did before. I'm going to try and go to the doctor next week though, and get some more pain pills.

Still fucking lonely. I want someone, and I've got my eye set, but i don't think he feels the same about me, and i'm not going to try and push things. If it works out, then i'll be happy. If not, I dunno. I just don't like to be annoying, and let my feelings out before i know what the other person thinks. I'm too worried about reactions.

 I re-did my site today, if you wanna check it out its www.freewebs.com/smashed_caustic_candy . I also built one for Lynn. It's www.freewebs.com/flamingangel2005 . Check those out and let me know what you think.

Finger eleven is playing lrs fest with Flaw and Breaking Benjamin. woo hoo. I FINALLY GET TO SEE MY FAVORITE BAND LIVE. AFTER 6 FUCKING YEARS! I'm so excited. :)

We'll i love you all, and if you want leave me some comments, cause i haven't got any in a long time. hugs and kisses


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